I have been asked why is the name of my cancer battle blog is Journey with Teal. Just as PINK is the color representing Breast Cancer - Ovarian Cancer has a color ribbon too...it is TEAL. Therefore, this is my journey through Ovarian Cancer, through TEAL.
Sometime in the future, I am going to post about how I found out I have the "Silent Killer". And how women are trusting in their PAP smears to tell them they are Cancer free, when they may not be.
I have been battling OC since October 2006. So I know something about it! But, I also do not KNOW EVERYTHING! I tell my doctors, I am on a NEED to KNOW basis only. Please do not overwhelm me with statistics. It is difficult enough to face the trouble of the day, without worrying about what might happen in the future.
This week has been a bit of a challenge emotionally for me. I am concerned about being without a treatment plan. I LOVE Christmas. I do not want Christmas 2009 to be my last. So even with the joy of Christmas, there is a bit of sadness. Balancing the emotions when one has a serious illness is a struggle.
I also have to deal with the fact that I just can't do what I want to do. Now see, here is the dilemma. I am fortunate in that I LOOK GOOD. Really, I do not look sick, my hair is thick and healthy, my eyes bright. But, unfortunately, I don't feel as good as I look. I am not sick. I just wear out more easily than I want to. So I try to push myself. But there is a limit to that too....those who KNOW me, understand why this is so frustrating to me.
But, as I said this blog is a journal to tell my journey....and the journey includes pulling myself up by the "bootstrings" and carrying on. Shed the tears, ask the whys, and then enjoy the day that the Lord has given me....
But, then, we ALL should do that, shouldn't we?
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Ceekay, With your great desire to live and will to live, I doubt very much that this is your last Christmas. I just think the will to live has a lot of influence. I must agree - you look fantastically healthy and beautiful. Didn't you post that they were going to do chemo with additional drugs? Isn't that a treatment plan? You know how it is, just when everything seems at its darkest and futile, the light starts to shine. Believe. I do. Remember my dear friend with liver cancer? He never had children and only lived for himself. I don't believe he had any will to live, even if others wanted him to. You have that will. Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS and enjoy your family. Looking forward to hearing about your holiday. Love, Rosie
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