Welcome to my blog dedicated to my Journey with Teal....Ovarian Cancer. This blog is where I will make updates to my treatments and tests....hoping to keep blog friends updated and answer any questions from visitors. I did not pick this journey, but am doing the best I know how to walk strong and gracefully, with my Lord's continual strength!

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Honesty in Cancer

I am going to warn you now.....if you don't want to hear this....leave now.  I don't want to upset anyone.

I am going through a really bad spell.  See, cancer likes to move around....spread.  Go to places it has no business going.  And my cancer, although, I hate saying mine....is giving me bladder problems.  Have you ever had a bladder infection?  the pressure, the need to go, etc....well, I have that, but there is no infection.  They tell me I have cystitis.  I don't really care what it is....I just want it gone.

I am tired.  Not the kind of tired you can sleep away.  Just worn out.  I hurt.  Sorry, not trying to complain, but it is the truth.  I hurt. 

Have I told my doctors.  Oh yes, back and forth, different doctors, nurses, PAs.....they all are very kind...and yes, I have tried different meds....most of which will NOT stay down.  Nothing seems to be helping.

Of course, it makes me wonder.  Is there something they aren't telling me. 

I am 61.  I look and feel like 81.  In fact, probably a lot of 81 are doing better than me. 

Yes, you are correct, I am depressed....and I have every reason to be.

I love the Lord with all my heart.  And I am ready to go home to be with Him.  But I am not ready to leave my husband and family.  I LOVE LIFE.....I want it back.

I appreciate everyone every where that prays for me.  I ask for you to continue.  You don't need to comment.....there is nothing to be said.  Just pray for me.

Cancer is Awful....and that is HONESTY!

12 comments:

Helen said...

You need and deserve every comment after what you have shared ... we are pulling for you. So hard. Praying for you. Fervently. Please believe your physician and members of your care team are not withholding information, they are supporting you as much as we are, your family members are ... I am so very sorry you are going through this ~~~

Susan Newbigging said...

Ceekay, you are a strong lady........I admire your strength in this journey you are on.
Cancer is a nasty disease that has no buisness even existing........so many good people like yourself are fighting this disease, including myself
I will continue to pray for you my friend. My favorite scripture that carries me through is this " I can do all things which strengthen me".

Judy Ann Lincicum said...

Ceekay, I knew you weren't feeling well when I missed you on your blog, so I came here to see what was going on. Of course, I find you struggling with this horrible disease again. And I get angry, really angry for you, that this horrible disease has been allowed to come this far and attack our mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. I've just lost my mother to cancer, and I just get so sick and tired for you all. I've have been fervently praying at the foot of the cross for your healing and comfort, Ceekay. Alot of people beat this and some don't, but by golly, prayers are going up because it's a way of fighting this thing that drs and anyone else, can't determine the outcome, otherwise. God is in complete control of this for you. And fight we must! It's ok not to be strong, and feel depressed. You have earned that. But I will continue to pray as I have been, and thank you for letting us know how you are, when you feel up to it. Love and concerns, Judy Lincicum

Theresa said...

I will certainly be praying for you that you start feeling better! I know that you need some answers to what is causing these problems and I pray that you get those answers! If I lived close to you, I would pop in with a HUG! Sometimes that helps:) Sending HUGS and PRAYERS across the miles!

Lynn Barbadora said...

I admire your strength as you have traveled this journey with cancer. My prayers are with you.
Hugs

Patti said...

Ceekay I have had cystitis for the last 15 yrs. It rears it's ugly head when it feels like it and we pay the price. I've been on high dosages of steroids and had a hysterectomy a few years ago. All treatment that has not worked for the long hall. I know the pain you're feeling and it "sucks". I pray that you'll find some comfort in knowing that you're not alone. It has always amazed me that we an send a man to the moon but we can't find a cure for cancer. Sending big hugs and prayers your way.

Linda @ Itsy Bits And Pieces said...

I missed this post, Ceekay...I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. Cancer is an awful disease...takes so much out of you fighting it. I see that you are off the chemo right now...I hope you are feeling better off of it, and that the cystitis is in check, too. I will certainly keep you in my prayers, Ceekay...a BIG XO is being sent your way!

Lori said...

New to your blog and will certainly pray for you! I haven't read much as of yet but it is probably an understatement to say you've been through a lot! Rest, cry if you need to, punch a pillow, vent here or elsewhere and, if you have a moment, you might wish to check out a blog by Kara Tippetts (not me!) It is called Mundane Faithfulness. She has also published a book called "The Hardest Peace." She has terminal cancer and is a Christian.

Judy Ann Lincicum said...

Ceekay, I just posted an interesting article about a new finding; an herb that is used to fight malaria but they now know that it kills cancer cells when mixed with iron. All cancers. It is posted on my Facebook page, Judy Lincicum. Please read it if you choose. I couldn't go to sleep tonight until I had told you about it. Hugs, Judy

Rettabug said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rettabug said...

You've crossed my mind several times in the past few days & I always think that is a sign that I should check in with that person. I read on your other blog that you have to have a liver biopsy & I pray that it goes smoothly & without too much discomfort. I assisted at several when I worked in the CAT scan dept.
Keeping both you & your recovering hubby close in prayers...{{{HUGS}}}

Rebecca Nelson said...

I am up and can't sleep and decided to visit my old favorite places. My life got all jumbled up when Steve lost his job two years ago and even though it's wonderful now it's hard to get back into the groove of my old routine. Not sure where blogging fits in...or if it ever will again.

But...here I am...reading about you. And this will lead me to pray for you as it is the best, most profound thing I can do for you my friend.

He is able. May He give you strength and courage and peace today.

Love, Rebecca