Honesty in Cancer

I am going to warn you now.....if you don't want to hear this....leave now.  I don't want to upset anyone.

I am going through a really bad spell.  See, cancer likes to move around....spread.  Go to places it has no business going.  And my cancer, although, I hate saying mine....is giving me bladder problems.  Have you ever had a bladder infection?  the pressure, the need to go, etc....well, I have that, but there is no infection.  They tell me I have cystitis.  I don't really care what it is....I just want it gone.

I am tired.  Not the kind of tired you can sleep away.  Just worn out.  I hurt.  Sorry, not trying to complain, but it is the truth.  I hurt. 

Have I told my doctors.  Oh yes, back and forth, different doctors, nurses, PAs.....they all are very kind...and yes, I have tried different meds....most of which will NOT stay down.  Nothing seems to be helping.

Of course, it makes me wonder.  Is there something they aren't telling me. 

I am 61.  I look and feel like 81.  In fact, probably a lot of 81 are doing better than me. 

Yes, you are correct, I am depressed....and I have every reason to be.

I love the Lord with all my heart.  And I am ready to go home to be with Him.  But I am not ready to leave my husband and family.  I LOVE LIFE.....I want it back.

I appreciate everyone every where that prays for me.  I ask for you to continue.  You don't need to comment.....there is nothing to be said.  Just pray for me.

Cancer is Awful....and that is HONESTY!

Forgive me....

for not posting, but if you read Thinkin' of Home, you know that I have done a bit of traveling and we bought a little place up north in Payson.

I was on a girlfriend trip for 3 weeks, but I realized about a week in that would be my last long trip by myself.  I just can't handle all the activity around the airports like I used to.  But I had a good time.

As far as my health, I am basically on a stable curve.  My CA125 is stable, still high, but not rising.  I am on a 3 week a month Abraxene regimen.  No hair, my nails are a mess, and I have achy legs.  But otherwise, I am able to function day by day.

I love reading blogs and see all your gorgeous big homes, but I also realize, I can't do that anymore either.  My 1200 sq ft home is enough for me.  I love my little cabin-ette up north.  She is only about 500 square feet and that feels just about right!

I still am able most days to walk Bentley a block or so to go potty.  He is my buddy.  The heat gets to both of us.  My weight is pretty much stable also.  I would love to lose about 20 pounds, but I enjoy my desserts too much!  I sure am not able to eat what I used to.....things have to really appeal to me, because most things are sorta bland tasting to me.

I am trying to get family pictures organized, which I must say is daunting.  I can only do it for so long and then I am done. 

My days are quiet.  Hubby still works, so I have a longggg day to occupy myself.  However, I seem to find contentment watching Junk Gypsys, Flea market flip and the like.  Energy is the item of my youth.  I have reckoned myself to using the "riders" at Walmart.  Otherwise, I am done for the rest of the day.

It will be 8 years this October I have been on this journey.  I didn't pick it....but I try to live it Joyfully and peacefully as the Lord gives me the strength.  I would love to have another 8 or 18.....but I will enjoy each day I do get!

Well, now you are caught up!!  Hope your summer is going well.  Me, I am ready for Fall....which comes about November around here!!

How to Title???

I went and saw my oncologist yesterday.  I got the CT results and they were great.  Everything has shrunk and some have even gone.....my blood work was great and I was feeling great.

Well, apparently, my doctor doesn't want to continue with the half dosages...so he upped me to 100 percent.  It already has made a difference.  I barely got Bentley walked this morning.  I feel like I have been hit by a truck.  Hopefully, this is just my body saying....wha?????

I know this is complaining, and I don't like to....however, this is a blog on cancer and living with it....so there is the truth.

Doctor did say if I couldn't tolerate it he would go down to 75%.  I see that coming.   But maybe, that is just frustration talking.

I will let you know how it goes.....

I am getting OLDER!

and that is a GREAT thing!  My big 60 is around the corner.....I never thought I would see it.

Trust me, I am going to Par-tay!

All reports right now are good.  I have issues, but don't we all.  I believe I will need to see an ear doctor as my hearing is not good.  Probably from all the meds.  But that is what they make hearing aids for!

Hope all of you are well.  Live each day!!!  They are good regardless of what is happening....!!

Talk to you soon....

Ceekay

Doing pretty good!

I just wanted to say that I am doing ok.  Thursdays are usually my down and out day....but other than that ...I can't complain.

I have lost my hair.....my left eye won't stop crying....and now, my fingernails are bleeding and might fall off.......

Saying all that, I won't  be having a Glamour shot done anytime soon!

See my doctor on Tuesday.

Living life as best I can!!!

Ceekay

Hi Everyone!

Maybe you better sit down, cuz I have GOOD news!

I have been on traditional chemo since November...and yes, there are side effects....but

Went for chemo yesterday and got all my lab reports....


My liver is completely functioning again and finally....that has been since August....and

My cancer count went down 9000 points!  9000!!!  They were all excited and I was crying...and it was wonderful.  Thank you for all your concern and prayers...cuz I know without that, this would not have happened.....keep praying.  It's been 7 1/2 years and I would love to hear the word remission!! 

I am alive and

not well.  I started traditional chemo three weeks ago and now have an infection through my whole body.  I must admit, I feel pretty miserable.

I see my oncologist tomorrow.  I have no idea what they are going to do.  Although I love Fall, it doesn't seem to be the best for me health wise.  I was hospitalized and totally out of it this time last year.

If you sense frustration....you are correct.  I don't like to complain.  But this isn't what I call living.  More like enduring.  I am tired.  I don't want to quit the fight.  But my body seems like it is rebelling against everything.

To my prayer warriors, I need your prayers.  I have two beautiful grandchildren that I would love to see grow up.  Please pray that my doctor finds something to help me, but not make me so ill.  Oh, and by the way, even though they said I wouldn't, I lost my hair again .....3rd time.

Thanks for listening.  If you read Thinkin of Home, you will see my posting is sporatic. 

Have a blessed Thanksgiving.....enjoy every moment, and get the hugs while you can!

Well, so much for August!

Sorry I have been away so long.  I touched on my health a bit on Thinkin of Home, but basically, my liver quit functioning correctly.  Lord, I was one sick girl.  I have been on steroids for almost a month...which is a whole nother story! 

We had 2 deaths in my family during that time, and frankly, I just was down and out.  But I know many  of you have been praying for me, and I am improving....with the liver issue.  The cancer issue, is being reviewed to see what options I may have.

I am thankful, the Lord is in control and for my great doctor.  Yes, I am concerned.  I have been battling almost 7 years continually and honestly, I am a bit tired.  But, life is worth fighting for, so I continue.....

I have been feeling a little stronger each day, and hopefully, soon, I will be able to enjoy Fall...or at least what we get!  It is really  difficult to keep up with the daily chores when you don't feel good, so I am trying bit by bit, to get things back in shape. 

Till the next time,

Ceekay

Frankly, Cancer sucks....

and it is sucking the energy right out of me.

First it was my iron levels.  So I had an iron infusion.

Now, my liver levels are too high.  Can't get any chemo until it levels out.  How that is going to happen, I really don't know.

I am supposed to have biopsies on Thursday....but I don't want to.

I am frustrated and I would love to say something upbeat.  Sorry.  Just don't have it today.

Thanks for caring.

It is CT time again....

they seem to come so close.....

I see oncologist on Thursday.  I am nervous.  I would appreciate your prayers.

The Iron Worked

OMG....I feel like a new person.  I actually care again.  I am so thankful to have gotten this iron and that now they know to keep an eye on it. 

Still having some stomach issues....but we are working on that too.

Thank you for checking on me!  I appreciate it!

To iron...

Or not!

Well....we ironed.  Five hours of an iron infusion.   I was down 2/3s.   Hopefully this will perk me up!

My chemo nurse called me a trooper.    I really am not.   I just got drafted into this mess!

I am a bit frustrated and sad

some days I feel good.  Then I won't feel so good.  We found out that my Hemoglobin is extremely low, so I have to have an iron transfusion.  But, I have to wait for insurance....of course.

I feel guilty coming here and being a Debbie Downer.  I do have good moments.  I saw my grands today and that always makes me happy......but, in the back of my mind, I just don't know why all of a sudden I don't seem to be going forward.

I told my husband that if this doesn't perk up soon, I seriously am going to have to get some help around here.  We hate to have to do it.....but you just can't let things continually go.

So, as soon as I know when I am getting the blood juice....I will let you know.

Well, Phooey!

Saw my oncologist today.  The current trial drug may not be working.  The decision is to keep me on it for another 6 weeks and then decide what direction to take.  We asked a LOT of questions.  Our anniversary is the 18th of August so no changes will start until after that.  I really wish this drug would start to work so I could settle in for a bit.  I really haven't had much good cancer news since my last hospital stay.  That will be a year in November.  (That is so funny to me....good cancer news.....cancer humor)

But, I have to try and stay positive and pray that the Lord will direct me and my doctor to the right path.  I was not surprised by this info today....I believe the Lord was preparing me.  I just had a "feeling".

So, that's the updates my friends.  Keep me in your prayers and as always, we appreciate them so much.

Saw my doctor yesterday

and everything is good.  He gave me a new sleeping aid and I did use it last night and it seemed to help.  He feels I am just NOT sleeping well enough....so we will see how that goes.

This was round 2, I have to go to 4 to see if it is working.  I pray it is, and I can adjust and start to see some major improvements in my CA number and tumor counts.

He is a fabulous doctor and I know he is doing all that he can.  I get tired and frustrated.....but, he keeps me going.

Thanks for all your encouragement.  Means the world to me.

I am getting on my Soap Box!

You know, I don't like to get political on my blogs....but, I am making an exception today.

I got a call from my Oncologist's office today.  I need a referral from my HMO doctor.  They tried to get one, but unknown HMO doctor doesn't know me.  See, I have never seen him....why????  cuz everything I need done, is done with my oncologist.  Who I have been seeing for 5 years.  So, I called the main number.  Ugh...sorry, but yes, you must have a referral.

I say (not so sweetly, sorry) so, what is this unknown hmo doctor going to do for me?  I have cancer.  The last time I saw one in 2009, they wanted me to sign a Living will. ( Which I didn't do)  So, what, I pay him the office call so he can give me a piece of paper.

Yes maam.

I said, I have a chemo treatment tomorrow.  Will this be covered, because I can't get in to see the unknown hmo doctor today. 

Thank God, he said, yes.....but in the next few weeks I have to take care of this.

Ok, so I ask, can I make my oncologist my HMO doctor.

No, but, you can take out the PPO insurance and he can be your listed doctor.

Me:  That costs more right.

Yes maam.

Thrilling.

Here is my final opinion.   Don't get sick.  Don't get a chronic illness.  If you do, make sure you have Xanex available....because if the disease doesn't kill you....the insurance stress will!!

1st round of chemo down

I see my doctor on Thursday.  I wish I could say that I feel great, but I don't.  Not sick, just not myself.  Hoping I will get some answers at my visit.  Maybe my blood count is down. 

My hair is growing....not as fast as I would like it, but growing.  I think I may keep it a little shorter than I normally do.  It sure is easier to take care of.  But we will see.  I have always liked longer hair than shorter.

Thank you for caring about me....and for all the prayers.  I appreciate it so much.

Will let you know how the doctor goes on Thursday.

New chemo today

All my tests finally got finished and I was approved for the new chemo treatment.  I received my first dose today.  I can be on this regimen up to a year if it works for me and I get it every three weeks.  No in between dr. visits!!  Woo Hoo!!

We are so hopeful for this med.  I saw my oncologist co worker today...He is another fabulous doctor and he was so encouraging to me.  It came just when I needed it.

I will keep you all posted on how I feel.  I must admit the last week has been a bit stressful.....all the tests and all....but I am feeling good now.

Before I leave...

I wanted to bring you up to date.  I will start my new chemo, a trial, when I get back from my trip.  Everything is looking good and we want to keep it that way!
So I will post again after the first treatment and let you know how that goes..
As always...thank you for your concern and prayers.

What's UP!

I have been enjoying no treatment....but unfortunately, that is coming to an end.  I have been accepted into a new clinical trial and will be undergoing all the pre-tests next week, CT, MRI, EKG, and labs.  I am grateful though that there still is treatment available.  I will start my new treatment on May 8th.  I should be able to keep my new baby hair!  Just praying that all will go well, and I won't get so sick as last November.

Thank you for your prayers and encouraging comments.  They mean the world to me.