Honesty in Cancer

I am going to warn you now.....if you don't want to hear this....leave now.  I don't want to upset anyone.

I am going through a really bad spell.  See, cancer likes to move around....spread.  Go to places it has no business going.  And my cancer, although, I hate saying mine....is giving me bladder problems.  Have you ever had a bladder infection?  the pressure, the need to go, etc....well, I have that, but there is no infection.  They tell me I have cystitis.  I don't really care what it is....I just want it gone.

I am tired.  Not the kind of tired you can sleep away.  Just worn out.  I hurt.  Sorry, not trying to complain, but it is the truth.  I hurt. 

Have I told my doctors.  Oh yes, back and forth, different doctors, nurses, PAs.....they all are very kind...and yes, I have tried different meds....most of which will NOT stay down.  Nothing seems to be helping.

Of course, it makes me wonder.  Is there something they aren't telling me. 

I am 61.  I look and feel like 81.  In fact, probably a lot of 81 are doing better than me. 

Yes, you are correct, I am depressed....and I have every reason to be.

I love the Lord with all my heart.  And I am ready to go home to be with Him.  But I am not ready to leave my husband and family.  I LOVE LIFE.....I want it back.

I appreciate everyone every where that prays for me.  I ask for you to continue.  You don't need to comment.....there is nothing to be said.  Just pray for me.

Cancer is Awful....and that is HONESTY!

Forgive me....

for not posting, but if you read Thinkin' of Home, you know that I have done a bit of traveling and we bought a little place up north in Payson.

I was on a girlfriend trip for 3 weeks, but I realized about a week in that would be my last long trip by myself.  I just can't handle all the activity around the airports like I used to.  But I had a good time.

As far as my health, I am basically on a stable curve.  My CA125 is stable, still high, but not rising.  I am on a 3 week a month Abraxene regimen.  No hair, my nails are a mess, and I have achy legs.  But otherwise, I am able to function day by day.

I love reading blogs and see all your gorgeous big homes, but I also realize, I can't do that anymore either.  My 1200 sq ft home is enough for me.  I love my little cabin-ette up north.  She is only about 500 square feet and that feels just about right!

I still am able most days to walk Bentley a block or so to go potty.  He is my buddy.  The heat gets to both of us.  My weight is pretty much stable also.  I would love to lose about 20 pounds, but I enjoy my desserts too much!  I sure am not able to eat what I used to.....things have to really appeal to me, because most things are sorta bland tasting to me.

I am trying to get family pictures organized, which I must say is daunting.  I can only do it for so long and then I am done. 

My days are quiet.  Hubby still works, so I have a longggg day to occupy myself.  However, I seem to find contentment watching Junk Gypsys, Flea market flip and the like.  Energy is the item of my youth.  I have reckoned myself to using the "riders" at Walmart.  Otherwise, I am done for the rest of the day.

It will be 8 years this October I have been on this journey.  I didn't pick it....but I try to live it Joyfully and peacefully as the Lord gives me the strength.  I would love to have another 8 or 18.....but I will enjoy each day I do get!

Well, now you are caught up!!  Hope your summer is going well.  Me, I am ready for Fall....which comes about November around here!!

How to Title???

I went and saw my oncologist yesterday.  I got the CT results and they were great.  Everything has shrunk and some have even gone.....my blood work was great and I was feeling great.

Well, apparently, my doctor doesn't want to continue with the half dosages...so he upped me to 100 percent.  It already has made a difference.  I barely got Bentley walked this morning.  I feel like I have been hit by a truck.  Hopefully, this is just my body saying....wha?????

I know this is complaining, and I don't like to....however, this is a blog on cancer and living with it....so there is the truth.

Doctor did say if I couldn't tolerate it he would go down to 75%.  I see that coming.   But maybe, that is just frustration talking.

I will let you know how it goes.....

I am getting OLDER!

and that is a GREAT thing!  My big 60 is around the corner.....I never thought I would see it.

Trust me, I am going to Par-tay!

All reports right now are good.  I have issues, but don't we all.  I believe I will need to see an ear doctor as my hearing is not good.  Probably from all the meds.  But that is what they make hearing aids for!

Hope all of you are well.  Live each day!!!  They are good regardless of what is happening....!!

Talk to you soon....

Ceekay

Doing pretty good!

I just wanted to say that I am doing ok.  Thursdays are usually my down and out day....but other than that ...I can't complain.

I have lost my hair.....my left eye won't stop crying....and now, my fingernails are bleeding and might fall off.......

Saying all that, I won't  be having a Glamour shot done anytime soon!

See my doctor on Tuesday.

Living life as best I can!!!

Ceekay

Hi Everyone!

Maybe you better sit down, cuz I have GOOD news!

I have been on traditional chemo since November...and yes, there are side effects....but

Went for chemo yesterday and got all my lab reports....


My liver is completely functioning again and finally....that has been since August....and

My cancer count went down 9000 points!  9000!!!  They were all excited and I was crying...and it was wonderful.  Thank you for all your concern and prayers...cuz I know without that, this would not have happened.....keep praying.  It's been 7 1/2 years and I would love to hear the word remission!! 

I am alive and

not well.  I started traditional chemo three weeks ago and now have an infection through my whole body.  I must admit, I feel pretty miserable.

I see my oncologist tomorrow.  I have no idea what they are going to do.  Although I love Fall, it doesn't seem to be the best for me health wise.  I was hospitalized and totally out of it this time last year.

If you sense frustration....you are correct.  I don't like to complain.  But this isn't what I call living.  More like enduring.  I am tired.  I don't want to quit the fight.  But my body seems like it is rebelling against everything.

To my prayer warriors, I need your prayers.  I have two beautiful grandchildren that I would love to see grow up.  Please pray that my doctor finds something to help me, but not make me so ill.  Oh, and by the way, even though they said I wouldn't, I lost my hair again .....3rd time.

Thanks for listening.  If you read Thinkin of Home, you will see my posting is sporatic. 

Have a blessed Thanksgiving.....enjoy every moment, and get the hugs while you can!